I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
