How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had sex on a roof
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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