carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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