I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am available for nakedness
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
