my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize