Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
