i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize