allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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