I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
