I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drake has all the answers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
