i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it's like heaven, but drunker
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
