TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
