it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
