I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He shit in the fireplace
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
