i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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