whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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