Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Randomize
