Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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