I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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