well I can't set my house on fire every night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
