I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
