i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
