i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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