Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
