He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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