I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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