Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
