i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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