Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
