And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
