Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
