He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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