It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
