Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
