Can i not drive my cunt home
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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