I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
