Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
