doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
