I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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