I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
