Porn is love you can see.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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