He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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