I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
