and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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