ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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