Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
