eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize