Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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