she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
