remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize