We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
