I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
