His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
