I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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