I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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