God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize