Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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