I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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