i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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