I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
