She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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