Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
