When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
