If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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