if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize