she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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