so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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