got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
