they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
