look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
