so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
