Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
