Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
