At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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