I CAN MOONWALK!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
