One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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