im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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