you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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